Stop 1 of 4 countries, Chiang Mai, Thailand! I will be visiting multiple Asian countries over the next few weeks. First up… Chiang Mai, Thailand, to attend the Nomad Summit. Then off to Siem Reap, Cambodia; Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia; and Singapore.
Jogged to CrossFit right before my flight. My running form musta been on point cuz I got a solid high five from a chick as I was frolicking by. That never happens in LA.
Showed up to LAX and there were people with signs dancing and marching about. Every cell phone in the place was cocked and locked in video mode. I get what they are protesting for but does protesting do anything? I brought a bag of pipcorn (cute miniature popcorn). If I had more time I’d chill out in a chair and watch the herd do their thang. #peoplewatching.
Boarded the plane. I’m the pig in the middle. The only time that’s acceptable is the emergency exit unless you’re on a 15-hour flight with nowhere to put your bobbing bowling ball. The seats were so uncomfortable that it just made my ass, hips and lower back hurt like a mofo.
The comfiest seat in the house was the shitter. I probably spent at least of 2-3 hours on that beautiful piss covered throne. Don’t worry, I wiped da nasty off. I was really good at annoying the flight attendants by “trying out” multiple seats…the flight attendants’ seats (which sucked just as much) and sitting on the floor in random places. Why can I stand in front of the emergency exit but not sit? They scolded me like a 3-year-old. I mostly stood by the exit that says don’t open me but that didn’t stop me from wanting to open it. Ok, I’m 3….I touched the handle. Hehe.
No wifi, no power, no fun. Wtf, this is 2017 we should at least have one USB plug so we can play the Dots app until our fingers are raw. Good thing I brought a power bank that could charge the cell phones for an entire soccer team. #beastmode
Half my carry-on has electronics in it and then I have a second backpack with more electronic shit that I put in one of those reusable grocery bags so that I could sneak it on. Only 4 more flights to hone the art of misdirection. Look over there!! *hides second bag behind an invisibility cloak. 🤓
I listened to the 4-hour work week audio book most the flight. Only heard about 1/3 of it cuz I was super A.D.D. Might need to listen to it 2 more times to get the full knowledge input.
After 10 hours on the flight continually using two phones at once, the flight attendant told me I couldn’t use them cuz it’s against China’s law. I said it’s on airplane mode. I’m confused. We ain’t in China yet. Laws don’t count over the ocean. Lies! I think I’m being punished for touching the emergency exit handle. How the fuck did she see that in the dark?…suspicious. But half the plane was using their phones. Boo. I still used one phone for audiobooks cuz that’s stealth. I only got to play 54 rounds of Dots though. 😕
Oh, and I have two iPhones cuz my new bitch-ass hoe isn’t onboarding and the new T-Mobile sim made shit even more complicated for apps that need to verify my number like WhatsApp. So I’ve been walking around like a dork with the new phone for photos and the old one for data and navigation. Ain’t got time to fuck around trying to get all the apps to work right now. Will figure out when I get back home.
Got a complimentary hotel room from my airline for my 10-hour layover in China. Met a fellow traveler from SoCal at the airport named Jordyn who’s going to Chiang Mai as well.
Took an hour nap then we walked around town for a wee bit. Went to a local supermarket and picked out a bunch of random candy ‘n’ cookies from some bins. We also gawked at the weird shit they were selling.
Tourist Fail: We tried to check out and they push the munchies back in our faces mumbling some gibberish. A foreign dude who did his Chinese language homework told us we need to weigh each piece of candy. Baaa, too much work! We got rid of a few. Then we walked to a local market where they were selling veggies and chopping up meat. I whipped out the GoPro gimbal like a solid tourist and got some people smiling and gawking while I filmed animals being sliced ‘n’ diced. I hope those weren’t dogs. ;(
The whole day we just had people eyeing us with long awkward stares. Maybe it was my bright purple jacket, teal shoes, and blond hair? Lol. I haven’t seen another blond human for a while. So maybe I’m the side show of the day?
Bought some legit pork dumplings at the airport. I paid high-end LA prices for dem bitches. Good thing they were amazeballs or I’d be sporting the resting bitch face for them gawkers to stare at.
Saw some skipping twins frolicking through the airport in matching outfits covered in cats.
The second leg of the flight was much quicker. When I arrived at the airport I made a beeline to the money station to get some Thai Baht. Exchanged $120 and got something like 4,203.40 Baht. The guy only gave me the 4,203. I was like I want the .40 baht and he gave me a weird look and searched through his cash register like it was a massive hassle. Bitch, please…give me my penny!
I’m not sure where January 31 ends and Feb 2nd begins. But I made it to my Airbnb and crashed.
Met up with Jordyn, the girl I met at the airport and went on a town exploration…mostly to see temples. First up breakfast! I got eggs Benedict with salmon and bacon. Heavenly, but I paid rich people prices for that.
Next up we explored a buttload of temples. I’d been to a bunch of these last year but they all look like they were decorated differently or had some major renovations. I did everything wrong when entering the temples and it’s not my first time. I rolled up my capris when we were walking cuz it was hot as balls so having my knees showing is bad…I’m assuming cuz they are ugly? Forgot to roll them down when I entered the temples. Bad Shelly. Then I sat down in another temple and stretched out my legs. Some guy doing his holy stuff let me know that I’m disrespecting Buddha. Apparently, feet are the most unholy part of the human and I pointed my disgusting lil fuckers right at their Buddha statue! Giant fail.
We walked about 10-15 miles today and were in need of a massage. Found this cool place called Women’s Massage by Ex-Prisoners. It only cost about 200 baht, which is about $5.70. They gave me this lil red outfit to put on and threw both me and Jordyn into the same changing room. We were like, uh, hey, I guess we are getting to know each other a little better than we wanted. Lol. My ass must have looked deceptively small cuz they give me the little girls’ pants. I managed to squish into them. The girl I got was maybe 20…super young and did not look like a prisoner. The massage was excellent. My back stopped hurting. They had 4.5 stars on Trip Advisor and that seems accurate.
We ate next door at a small Thai restaurant. I got some amazing chicken pad Thai and spring rolls. My favorite go-to meal here. Nom nom!
Took some night shots of the Wat Chedi Lung temple. Used my wee Manfrotto tripod and it felt amazingly steady compared to the one I was using before.
Got back to my Airbnb and realized I had lost my code to the front door which was on a piece of paper. Messaged the landlord and sat outside petting a sleeping cat while I waited for a response all while getting eaten by mosquitoes. She messaged me back saying the lil dongle on the key will let me in. Yey, imma dumbass. Haha
Today is the Nomad Summit! I strategically planned my trip around the summit so that I can claim the flights on my taxes per my tax lawyer’s advice. #winning! I showed up early and talked with a few people about their businesses and how they earn money online. About half the people were here to learn more about what type of online business they wanted to do as they didn’t really know yet. I went to add more revenue streams to my current one. Specifically, affiliate marketing and Amazon drop shopping [shipping??]. But want to see what else is out there.
You know those lil wristbands they give you for events? Well, Spechel Shelly put it on her ankle cuz she wanted to be different. Well, they told us to raise our arms as we packed into the conference room. Fuck. Didn’t think that one through.
I’m too lazy to write about what I learned. I’ll post links to the talks when they are available.
Met up with Jordyn to go to Elephant Family Sanctuary at 7 am. Stole some tea and cookies from her hostel. They didn’t miss it.
The tour bus picked us up and it happened to be filled with mostly Californians and a Chinese lady. Our tour guide’s name was Tommy7. The windy mountain road was puke-a-licious. We stopped off at a market on our way up and I jetted to the bathroom. Cost 5 baht. Was glad it wasn’t squatters cuz that’s a lot of effort at 8 am.
We arrived at the elephant sanctuary and was impressed as far as the elephants are not tied up at all and are able to roam free.
Elephants eat about 10% of their body weight per day. One elephant stepped on a land mine a while back and was given a prosthetic leg made in the US. Woo, go #merica
Tommy7 told us a story about one of the elephants that got sad cuz just the baby elephants were fed and he was ignored. The elephants are emotional animals and he walked away feeling neglected. I made sure to feed all the elephants. Bon means up so you can feed them in their mouth if they need medicine. Dede means very good.
Next, we bathed the elephants in mud, which I think is half shit cuz there was a lot of fiber in the mud. I managed to avoid the guides trying to spray shitty mud on me with the elephants’ trunks. Not really into getting shit sprayed on my face. Then we headed for the river to wash them off. That was fun until a large American dude who identified as a ladyboy started throwing water at me and everyone else. Gawd damnit…they literally just shit in the water and now you’re flinging it at me. I better not get some alien virus or parasite that eats me from the inside out.
After everyone was covered in shit mud (except me) and shitty water they decided it was a good time to eat. Washing hands is for posh people. We like to live dangerously.
We headed to a waterfall and most of the people jumped in but it’s downstream from the shit water. I wasn’t feeling like full immersion in viruses, so I passed and just took photos.
Riding back was fucking horrendous. I felt like I was going to projectile vomit at any moment. Tried to fall asleep so I wouldn’t feel anything. Worked for about 20 minutes. Got back to town without puking or shitting everywhere. #winning
After recovering from the fun ride down the mountain we went to a delicious vegan place. Got a veggies and hummus wrap with sweet chili dipping sauce. I could eat those every day! Next up, another massage by the ex-prisoners. I must have graduated up a level cuz they were trying to bend me in ways I don’t bend. Wasn’t the most pleasant massage but felt great after.
The Sunday night market is basically a clusterfuck of people who are all directionally challenged. I’m not claustrophobic but getting stuck in a crowd that wouldn’t move stressed me the fuck out. We were in search of scorpions and tarantulas on sticks but never saw any. Just the shitty lil bugs you find crawling around in an alley or sewer. Mmm, delish.
I bought a chocolate, strawberry and Nutella crepe cuz it said EAT ME! Later we hit a cool-looking bar to find out it was all just a facade…the food was shit. Worse than week old rubbery fried McDonald’s type shit. We couldn’t end the day on that pile of crap so we went to Ginger & Kafe to get the best ginger tea ever! Nom nom nom!
I wasted the morning moving to a new hotel cuz I booked one day short for my Chiang Mai leg of the trip. Yay. So I packed up all my shit and walked a mile or so to the new place. Then I went in search of good wifi for a client call cuz the wifi at the new place didn’t work. Decided to hit this super unique cafe called Clay Studio Coffee in the Garden. This is by far the coolest cafe I’ve been to but the wifi was shit for a client, so I used my wifi extender, which helped. Pounded a smoothie.
Went back to hotel in hopes that the wifi was working cuz I needed power, but nope. So I grabbed some Pringles that I opened earlier and sat on the bed and started trolling Instacrack. Ten seconds later, I feel lil things crawling all over me. I look over at the can of chips and they have a nice lil pile of ants swarming them. Yay, I’m covered in ants and yay my bed is covered in ants. Fuck this shit, squish them all. Die, die, bitches, die! I won’t be sleeping on that side of the bed. Lots of murder happened there.
Went back to Ginger Cafe cuz they have wifi and I found a POWER outlet. Yay! Their wifi is decent. So I just slowly ordered food for hours while working. Haha.
Last day in Chiang Mai. Was going to go to CrossFit but then I looked up the prices and it was retardedly priced. I didn’t want to exchange more money when I’m going to be leaving in a few hours so I opted to run around the moat. I couldn’t count to 4, the number of turns in a fucking square that the moat is made of. I thought I passed my place and was going around the square again. In reality I was only halfway; math isn’t my strongest asset. Fuck. I’m getting dumber.
Internet has been complete shit at Kamala’s Guesthouse and I can’t get any work done. Nothing more annoying than overpaying for a hotel where the internet sucks balls. Super pissy cuz that’s going to cut into my time at Angkor Wat.
I suck at languages. Well, the pronunciation I’m usually decent at, but it’s remembering which jibberish phrase goes with what meaning. I kept mixing up hello and thank you. For example, imagine paying for food and instead of thanking them you say “hello!” You would sound like a dumbass. And I did that multiple times. Fucking hell. Imma be super special in Europe this summer. I’m fucking up one language. I can just image how lame imma sound when I switch countries and languages every week. I’m fairly confident in muh Spanglish though. Yay, one language out of the massive pile.
Oh, and now I’m going to Cambodia. I’m pretty sure imma say hello to them in Thai. Lol. As I wait for my taxi to the airport I reflect on my second stay here. Thais in general are a very happy and hospitable people. The driving may seem unorganized and slightly chaotic at first but after a while it feels safer than Los Angeles. I never felt fear for my life like I do back home daily. Most the food is amazing and costs a fraction of what I’m used to paying. I can see why so many digital nomads move here to live. Great food, cheap rent, friendly people, massive community of people working remotely, lots of stuff to see and do.
I have 28 baht left. Must. Spend. It. It’s about $0.80 USD. I look around and everything was airport priced but then a lil piece of ‘merica pops out at me and I drop my phat stacks for a DQ ice cream cone dipped in chocolate for 24 Baht. #winning! DQ is cheaper here. Woo! I chucked the rest into the tip jar. Yay, I broke even!
On to Cambodia!
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